Quote# 97765

If I were President of the United States

-Replace the federal income tax with a system where each citizen pays a set amount of taxes a year to fund the military and other essential functions.

-All other operations of the federal government would either be privatized (Medicare, Social Security), converted to support by user fees (Interstate highways), or eliminated (bloated bureaucracy like the Department of Education and the Department of Energy).

-Repeal all unconstitutional laws, particularly those that target the First Amendment freedoms of speech and religion in the name of political correctness or "nondiscrimination," those that target the Second Amendment right to bear arms in the name of "safety," and those that interfere with the rights of the states.

-Repeal Obamacare and replace with tort reform, the opening up of the sale of insurance across state lines, and encourage people to get HDHP's and HSA's.

-Step up border security and crack down on illegal immigration.

-Ban the ownership of cats and make elimination of this invasive species from the U.S. a top priority.

-Eliminate welfare. Allow private charities to help the truly needy. Those who are able to work should do so.

-Eliminate most foreign aid. It should only be used to help true democracies who are surrounded by hostile dictatorships like Israel.

-Eliminate affirmative action and other programs that discriminate based on race, sex, etc. People should be judged not on the color of their skin but on the content of their character.

-Introduce a "Bill of Gamers Rights" to ensure that video games are not subject to bans or censorship.

-Eliminate burdensome regulations. Trust the free market to reward good companies and punish bad companies.

-Eliminate the minimum wage. It kills jobs and causes inflation.

-Ban discrimination against conservatives in hiring at schools and colleges. Kids should hear both sides of the issues, particularly controversial ones like evolution and global warming.

-Introduce a strict voter ID law and investigate widespread voter fraud in Chicago, Detroit, Cleveland, etc. If the investigation deems it necessary, the federal government could conduct the election in those cities in place of corrupt local authorities. We must maintain the integrity of elections.

-Reform the electoral college based on the Virginia plan: 1 electoral vote per district won plus 2 elector votes to the winner of the most districts in the state (split 1-1 in case of a tie).

-Appoint emergency managers to run troubled cities on the brink of bankruptcy.

-Launch a full investigation of the IRS targeting of conservatives. Make sure those responsible are held accountable, no matter how high up they are.

-Introduce a "Right to Work" amendment to the U.S. Constitution so that no one can be fired for refusing to join a union.


What do you say? Do I have your vote?


GoemonFan471986, gamefaqs 96 Comments [11/21/2013 4:21:26 AM]
Fundie Index: 50
Submitted By: Zim!

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Tempus

These are all funny, but this one especially:

-Ban discrimination against conservatives in hiring at schools and colleges. Kids should hear both sides of the issues, particularly controversial ones like evolution and global warming.

Hear that? That's the lonely call of the Wild Persecuted Hegemon!


11/21/2013 4:27:08 AM

OhJohnNo

You know what this needs? Greentext and a reaction image.

>the military
>an essential function

>privatized medicare

>ban cats

>private charities
>reliable

>Bill of Gamers Rights

>The free market
>Not rewarding bad companies and punishing good ones

>Conservatives
>discriminated against


11/21/2013 4:47:28 AM

ScrappyB

I clicked on the thread and the second reply is:

I say "neckbeard basementdweller confirmed."

Can't add much to that.

11/21/2013 4:50:08 AM

Hazelnut

I think we can all get behind you on the emergency managers, guns, minarchist free-marketeering, border security, no minimum wage, and toll roads, but what's this extremist nonsense about banning cats?!?!?!

11/21/2013 4:50:37 AM

Grimsoncrow

"-Eliminate burdensome regulations. Trust the free market to reward good companies and punish bad companies."

Dude, how old are you??

11/21/2013 5:04:22 AM

Titania

No, you don't have my vote. However, if you replace cats with conservative fundementalist, I might be persuaded.

11/21/2013 5:05:39 AM

Swede

The president of the US is not the supreme ruler of the universe, stupid.

- What if the Native Americans had stepped up border control and cracked down on illegal immigration, and sent the Mayflower packing?
- Why cats? If you ban cats, the rat population will explode.
- If you provide jobs with living wages, people WILL work.
- Israel is a very hostile invader and occupier. It's also the richest and most prosperous country in that area (partly because it steals its neighbor's resources); they don't need any help.
- Affirmative actions are designed to remove discrimination based on gender, race, etc., and force people to be judged based on their character and not the genitals or skin tone, asshole! You ought to love them, if you really want to do what you said.
- The free market rewards greedy companies and punish good companies.
- There are no other sides of the issue of utterly non-controversial ones like evolution and global warming.
- What is the percentage of voter fraud? 0,5 percent? 1 percent? Make people give the vote by placing their fingerprint in the GOP or DEM square, in front of witnesses who can see THAT you place it, but not in which square you place it. One citizen; one vote. The candidate with the most votes win.
- If more conservatives than democrats tries to fool the IRS, that's not the fault of the IRS.
- Also make sure that no-one can be fired for joining a union. I bet that this is much more common.

No, you don't have my vote, but you might get a one way ticket to the funny farm.

11/21/2013 5:17:25 AM

Tim of Whipping

It's funny how he wants to eliminate 'bloated bureaucracy' in the form of the Department of Education, yet is quite willing to set up ridiculously stupid projects like banning cats and launching frivolous investigations.

I know I should be railing against stupid shit like dismantling welfare and the minimum wage, which is already woefully low in the States. The attack on cats is so left-field and pointlessly cruel though, it grabs my attention out of all the usual fundie crap.

11/21/2013 5:22:34 AM

anevilmeme

The bit about banning cats is a dead giveaway that it's a long winded Poe.

11/21/2013 5:23:06 AM

Mudak

The minimum wage one is a riot. To an extent, he's right. If I had a business, and didn't have to pay my employees, I could hire everyone, right?

Or to put it more bluntly, arguments against a minimum wage are effectively the same as arguments for slavery.

11/21/2013 5:24:40 AM

Justanotheratheist

Ban cats? Really??

11/21/2013 5:27:19 AM

Tim of Whipping

@anevilmeme I think you are correct along with the 'Bill of Gamers Rights'. I tend to get defensive abouts cats. XD

11/21/2013 5:31:16 AM

Filin De Blanc

"Ban the ownership of cats and make elimination of this invasive species from the U.S. a top priority."

That's the support of the entire Internet gone right there.

11/21/2013 5:32:44 AM

kuribo

Awwww how cute, the 14 year old's listening to Limbaugh

11/21/2013 5:50:34 AM

Indicible

"-Ban the ownership of cats and make elimination of this invasive species from the U.S. a top priority. "

Poe. Or troll.

11/21/2013 6:01:06 AM

LDM

Awww man, why did I have to click on this one when I'm already late for work? Oh well, it'll give me something to chuckle about at my desk.

11/21/2013 6:10:52 AM

Doubting Thomas

Good luck with that. Maybe you can be Ted Cruz' running mate in 2016.


-Eliminate burdensome regulations.


Contrasted with:

-Ban the ownership of cats and make elimination of this invasive species from the U.S. a top priority.

I'm betting he also thinks he's for "small government."

11/21/2013 6:28:52 AM

Mister Spak

If I was president I would execute GoemonFan471986.

What do you say? Do I have your vote?


11/21/2013 6:35:15 AM

Rob aka Mediancat

Most of this is libertarianesque fantasy, but what the hell is this about banning cats?

Rob

11/21/2013 6:47:24 AM

Kuno

Why was my first thought reading this: "The point most will comment about will be the one about cats!"?

@Tempus:

I love the Discworld one! Do you know if there are shirts with that? Found it! And they're shipping to Germany, too! :-)

11/21/2013 7:10:50 AM

pyro

> Ban the ownership of cats and make elimination of this invasive species from the U.S. a top priority.

> Introduce a "Bill of Gamers Rights" to ensure that video games are not subject to bans or censorship.

Parody or extremist. The world may never know.

11/21/2013 7:17:18 AM

idiot hunter

"Repeal all unconstitutional laws, particularly those that target the First Amendment freedoms of speech and religion in the name of political correctness or "nondiscrimination," those that target the Second Amendment right to bear arms in the name of "safety," and those that interfere with the rights of the states."

Contrast with

"Introduce a strict voter ID law and investigate widespread voter fraud in Chicago, Detroit, Cleveland, etc. If the investigation deems it necessary, the federal government could conduct the election in those cities in place of corrupt local authorities. We must maintain the integrity of elections."

States set election law. A federal voter id law is an invasion of states rights.

"Reform the electoral college based on the Virginia plan: 1 electoral vote per district won plus 2 elector votes to the winner of the most districts in the state (split 1-1 in case of a tie)."

States have the right to apportion electoral votes as they choose. And you would take that away, Mr. States-Rights?

"Appoint emergency managers to run troubled cities on the brink of bankruptcy."

So the federal government can take over cities? How is this not an invasion of states' rights.

Ban cats and Gamer's rights makes this sound like a troll. Or someone with the most severe case of cognitive dissonance ever.

11/21/2013 7:32:09 AM

Sangfroid

So this is actually the traditional list of things conservative believe the government should be doing. It is nothing more than this chump's Ayn Rand-Rand Paul influenced opinion.

The thing I do find amusing is the first:"Replace the federal income tax with a system where each citizen pays a set amount of taxes a year to fund the military and other essential functions."

So how you gonna determine the tax rate? How is the amount set? Is it based on how cute the taxpayer is? How many kids they have? Has he or she served in the military? Maybe it's the old "take the amount of money you need and divide by the number of citizens?" And what determines an essential function?

and of course this one: "Replace the federal income tax with a system where each citizen pays a set amount of taxes a year to fund the military and other essential functions."

So suppose a union convinces an employer to increase wages by 2%. Does that 2% go only to the union members? Or does it goe to everyone and those union members who worked so hard and maybe even went on strike and lost pay are just SOL?

Anyway, this bozo doesn't appear to have really thought this out.



11/21/2013 7:35:41 AM

Liberal Christian

No. No you don't. I love my cat, you dick.

11/21/2013 7:39:41 AM

Musicalbookworm

I think it's a very good thing that 12 year olds aren't allowed to run for office....if this person is older than 12, s/he suffers from seriously stunted development.

11/21/2013 7:51:02 AM

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